My Little StarTrek: DisQord is Magic!
by Lumpco
Summary: This story starts out with a sentence that usually means utter chaotic disaster: Q is bored. That being said, hilarious disaster is about to unfold, so sit back and watch as the ever-so-familiar crew of the Enterpise-D face their biggest challange yet: pastel-colored equines, filled to the brim with friendship, magic, love, and tolerance. Credit to WillDrawForFood1 for Cover Art.
1. Prologue - Cue the Q

_**Authors Note: Alright everyone, this is the first story (That you'll be seeing) of mine! So, normally, I wouldn't have had this headnote here, however, there's something I need to address: If I make **__**any**__** mistakes in reference to Star Trek TNG, tell me Immediately, despite the fact that I've watched TNG since I was a kid, for some reason, I can't remember everything about it, so if I make a mistake, tell me. On to the story! **_

**Update 2: Well, it's been around a year, and I'm actually back to writing things. There's a large problem I noticed about this story, mainly that it's written by almost-a-year-ago me. It's become apparent that he doesn't know how to write, so, I'm going to be re-writing these previous chapters to a more acceptable quality, so do look forward to that!**

**P.S. In case you didn't know, there's a percentage read-out for how finished I am on my profile.**

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_Space._

_The final front ear, __wait… Oh, yes! __The final frontier…_

_These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise, its continuing mission, to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before!_

The crew of enterprise sat patiently, awaiting their next 'd been through this routine  
for what seemed like a hundred times now. Whenever things got boring around the Enterprise,  
Picard would state those familiar words, and then… "Helm, Warp… Warp whatever you feel like,  
engage." And as those words were said, the Enterprise jumped forward and headed towards no  
real destination in particular. "Right." Riker said calmly "I can only assume that something out  
of the ordinary is going to happen, so everyone, be prepared for anything." Now that Picard had  
done this usual routine, the Enterprise was on a set course for adventure.

Or tragedy, it really was an either or with the whole 'Anything can happen in space' deal.  
Picard got up to head to his private quarters; he really could go for a cup of tea. After all,  
what's better than to start a possible adventure than a cup of tea? Picard entered the turbo lift,  
and waited for his destination. Right now, some sort of odd happening didn't seem so bad.  
The Enterprises most recent adventures weren't so bad; in fact, some of them were actually quite fun, yes, _fun_.  
Picard couldn't remember the last time he could use fun as a word to describe being a Starship captain.

Usually some good words for such a thing would be dangerous, stressful, maybe even sometimes boring.  
How often do you come across a job that can be dangerous and boring? Either way, Picard had  
somewhat began to warm up to these crazy occurrences that so often happened. Heck, sometimes  
he thought he liked this job because of them. _How long would I have stayed captain had these… Adventures… Adventures?  
Yes, adventures!_ Picard just realized that all these happenings literally were, in their own right, adventures. _By god,  
I'm roughly a Science Fiction Indiana Jones!_ Picard's thoughts were interrupted by the turbo lift doors sliding open,  
causing him to jump a couple of inches off the ground, and hurt his foot upon landing.

"I am sorry captain; I did not mean to frighten you." Said Commander Data. "Though, I would like to ask you,  
on a mathematical scale of one to one hundred, how frightened were you? Oh, and please include decimals."  
Picard, by now, knew how to bypass any complicated questions Data asked him. "Er, if may ask, why do you  
need to know this, Data?" "Quite a simple reason, actually." Bingo, question bypassed. "You see, while I was  
studying humor, I came across a curious sub-category known as 'Pranks'. I studied a multitude of these 'pranks'  
and found that one of the most common types was scaring someone, however it is not deemed humorous unless  
the reaction is of a certain caliber." Data finished his point, looking at a very bemused Picard. "Well, er, yes, that's  
correct, though, you might want to maybe study a more, maybe, reliable source of humor." Data was quite puzzled by this.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "Well, pranks could be a bit, disruptive, towards the crew,  
and I really think that there's a, perhaps, more wholesome act of humor you could pursue,  
perhaps stand-up comedy?" Picard regretted these words as soon as he said them. "Ah, yes,  
stand-up comedy, the act of a comedian reciting a fast-paced succession of humorous stories,  
short jokes, and one-liners to create a comedic routine or act. I will be right on that." _Oh boy  
_ thought Picard, _Riker will never give me the end of it_.

As Data boarded the turbo lift, Picard started to walk forward, then remembered his foot,  
and limped forward instead. _So much for the Sci-fi Indiana Jones _he thought to himself.  
Picard entered his quarters, limping his way to the food replicator. _Wait, are these called  
food replicators? _He thought as he reached the machine in question._ I honestly can't  
remember what these are called anymore. _He pushed the button that signaled the food  
replicator to take a request, but instead of the usual beep he was used too, it was accompanied by a very new sound.

"PUSH THE BUTTONS!" A loud, booming voice screamed. Picard would've jumped if he could've.  
"What in the living-"The replicator interrupted him. "Interpreting vague answer as 'random'" A wedge  
of cheese suddenly appeared on the replicator's tray. Picard stared at it for a moment, wondering what  
that voice was, and since when was cheese a valid meal. Picards puzzled thoughts were interrupted as  
the ever so familiar Data entered the room. Picard immediately turned to Data "Data, what the hell was that!?"

despite Picards frustration, Data was quite calm. "The voice? That was a voice clip of a man named Edmund McMillen  
from a very old twenty-first century videogame-"Picard interrupted, "No, not that! I mean-"Data's turn. "The wedge  
of cheese? It appears to be cheddar, and quite an odd meal, at that." Picard finally got his chance to speak. "No,  
I mean the whole thing in general!" Picard finished. "The situation could be best described as a prank. How did I do?"  
"Wha- A prank- Data, I thought I made myself clear, pranks are not tolerated on the Enterprise!" Picard finished his  
statement, his face turning a slight shade of pink. "Ah, yes." Said Data "Perhaps stand-up comedy is a better humor to pursue."

"Indeed" murmured Picard. "In any case, I appreciate your participation, captain." And with that, Data left Picard to himself.  
_Well, _thought Picard, _now I definitely need a cup of tea_. Picard once again pushed the button, this time the usual beep followed.  
"Tea, Earl-gray, hot." Picard said, grateful for this long awaited drink, though his smile soon faded when a can of Coca-Cola  
materialized on the tray, followed by the machine reciting the order he supposedly gave it. "Coke, Classic, Ice-cold." Said the  
robotic voice. Picard was most puzzled, _Is this another one of Data's pranks, because I swear if he had another one planned  
then I'll- no, this is too, well, 'out there', for Data, the only person I know who would do something like this would be-_

His mind finished the sentence before he could stop it. _Q, oh lord, not Q, I did not just think Q, I never had a single thought about-  
_and as if on cue (Pun definitely intended), Picard saw a white flash followed by a fizzling noise behind him. He braced himself, and  
then slowly turned around. Q was not even an inch away from him. "Helllllooooooooooooooooooo!" Q yelled in a sing-song voice.  
Picard fell straight on to his back. "Is that your clumsiness, or are you just happy to see me?" Picard was definitely not happy.

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**Well, that was the prologue. You like? You no like? Tell me in a review, constructive criticism only, please. Also, in case you were wondering, you'll get you're pony fix in the next chapter, which is technically the first. The prologue just explained the most important back story, I.E. the Enterprises. So thanks for reading, live long and prosper, and bro-hoof to you all!**


	2. Chapter 1 - Trollestia Wuz Here

**Update: I've revised the ending to a more satisfactory state, so it's now readable, cheers!**

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"Hey-ya Twilight!" Pinkie Pie said as she excitedly hopped into Ponyville's library "Whatcha doin'?" Twilight looked  
up from the book she was reading, "Oh, nothing, just reading." Pinkie Pie suddenly stopped in her tracks. "Wait,  
just reading? You mean, no experiments or anything?"

"Nope."

"Not one? No special spells, or potions?"

"Not one."

Pinkie was absolutely bewildered. "But that's how all Fan Fictions start out! You do some experiment, it goes wrong,  
and then something big and crazy happens!" In response to this, Twilight merely sat confused for a couple of moments.  
"Pinkie, I don't know what you're talking about, but if it has _anything_ to do with the whole 'breaking the fourth wall' thing  
you told me about, I want nothing to do with it." Twilight said this statement in her 'matter-of-fact' voice, which meant she  
really wasn't going to tolerate this. "Alright, fine, maybe Fluttershy has something to do with this." Pinkie said. She  
immediately hopped off to Fluttershy's cottage.

Fluttershy's Cottage

"Now, now, Angel Bunny, the other animals need to eat too, besides, that was you're third bowl. If you eat anymore,  
you might get a tummy ache." Fluttershy attempted to talk some reason into her pet bunny, though it wasn't particularly  
easy to persuade him against his own thinking. _Woman, those other rodents don't deserve any food! _Angel thought to  
himself. _In fact, if it were my choice, they'd all be gone right now! Throw'em in that dark forest or something, because  
this food is MINE! _Despite the fact that Angel had raged quite a bit at her, all Fluttershy heard was a large amount of  
extremely angry clicks and grunts from Angel as he attempted for the umpteenth time to grab the box of food from Fluttershys possession.

Fluttershy flew upwards so the box was out of his reach, and tried to think of more reasons why he shouldn't have another serving.  
Suddenly, there was a loud knock at the door, startling Fluttershy into dropping the box. "Eep! Oh, I mean, coming!" she did her best  
to yell as she went to answer the door. _Victory! _Angel thought as he plunged into the box. _This is what you get for giving me a girl's  
name! You see, I'm eating ALL the food, and I'm not stopping until I've devoured every last morsel of- wait, where'd she go?_ Fluttershy  
opened the door, grateful for the excuse to think about something other than Angel. "Oh, hi Pinkie Pi-" Pinkie, without giving warning,  
flew into the room with a large length of rope and a lamp. "Alright, Fluttershy!" she yelled. "Give it up, I know what you're planning!"

Fluttershy went over a list of things she was planning on doing today, and suddenly she knew why Pinkie was here. "Oh, I'm sorry I  
forgot to invite to the picnic today, there was just lot's to do, and it must have slipped my mind at one point-" Pinkie began to unravel  
the rope she was carrying as she interrupted Fluttershy. "Not the picnic, I'm talking about- wait, there was a picnic today?" She  
suddenly stopped what she was doing. "Oh, yes! You're welcome to come along if you want." Fluttershy said, glad that they had sorted  
out the issue. "Well that sounds- Wait, no! That's not even what I'm here about!" Never mind, the issue was still at hand. "I'm talking  
about your _secret_ arrangements!" Pinkie said as she started to tie Fluttershy down. "Pinkie?" asked Fluttershy, "What are you doing?"

Pinkie finished tying the ropes. "Tying you against your will for questioning!" She screamed as she dimmed the lights. "Oh, ok."  
Fluttershy said, not caring in the least. "Now!" Pinkie said, turning the lamp towards Fluttershy's face as she did so, "About your  
_secret_ arrangements!" Fluttershy was actually quite confused, now. "What secret arrangements?" She asked. "Don't play dumb  
with me! I've worked out that this Fanfic is a Grimdark, and you're the deranged crazy killer!" Pinkie screamed. "Wait, you found  
out that this is a what?" Fluttershy was beyond confused at this point. "Ugh!" Pinkie grunted in frustration, "You don't crack easy,  
do you? Well, I'll get it out of you, even if it takes all day!" Pinkie took out a large piece of paper. "One of these questions will make  
you crack!" Pinkie cleared her throat, then began to read off the first question.

Canterlot Castle

Trollestia sat in her room, bored as all heck. She was supposed to have moved the sun from its One PM position to its Two PM position,  
but she decided to wait until three to do that. Screw up everypony's schedule and what not, Trololololololololololololol olololol. _I'm in  
a fun mood today, maybe I'll tell Twilight that she can come and visit for a week, then cancel it at the last moment. _She schemed other  
troll-worthy plots for a while, but soon got bored of it, and decided to let Celestia take over once again. A few twitches later, she was  
back to her regular self. _I'm going to get rid of you soon, Trollestia, just you wait. _Celestia's threat seemed to have gone unnoticed,  
as all she heard back was: _I'm going to get rid of your mom soon, lol! _She scowled to herself, and moved the sun into its correct position.

Almost out of nowhere came a white flash from next to her, she jumped, and looked to find a face she hadn't expected to see in forever.  
"Hey hapo, Celestia, rafiki wa zamani! Nyuma fitna wa, kubwa na katika malipo! Huh, I guess that doesn't rhyme in Swahili, all well!"  
Exclaimed Discord, "At least it rhymes in english!" Celestia was both surprised and livid. "Discord!" she said angrily, "Very good, Celestia!"  
Replied Discord, "You earned yourself a sticker!" Discord snapped his fingers, where a sticker reading 'Excellent!' suddenly appeared. "boop!"  
Discord made a comical noise as he stuck the sticker on the end of her snout. She shook it off angrily, "Discord, how did you escape from your statue!"

She yelled. "Well, it was the craziest thing!" Discord said "I was sitting in the statue, bored out of my mind, trying to escape, when suddenly,  
one of my brothers from the continuum just happened to come by and see that I was in trouble! So, being the fine man he was, he undid all  
your crazy magic, and, tah-dah! I'm free!" Celestia didn't know what 'the continuum' was, but that didn't matter to her right now. This was  
a serious danger to her subjects, and it was her duty to protect them. _Your mom is a serious danger to your face! OOHHHHHHH, BURN!  
_Trollestia said/thought. "I'm getting rid of you!" Celestia screamed aloud. "Well, someone has anger issues." Discord replied, "I haven't even done anything, _yet._"

He put a large amount of emphasis on the word yet. "Not you! _Her!_" Celestia acted as if this was a completely normal statement, while  
Discord laughed almost hysterically. "Oh joy! You're _already _insane, and I haven't even started my plans, this is delightful!" Celestia  
was now beyond livid. "I'm not crazy! She- look, this doesn't matter, what does matter is you, so prepare to be defeate-" Discord  
stopped her mid-sentence. "Oh, no, not yet! We haven't even played my new game yet!" Celestia stopped fuming for a moment to  
listen. "What game?" Discord once again snapped his fingers, changing his attire to that of a stereotypical teenage girl. "Ohmygod,  
like, really, Tia? Like, everyone knows about my game, seriously!" as he finished this sentence he reverted to his usual non-existant outfit.

"Just kidding, only I know of it, but you will quite soon! Now, here's my favorite part, can you guess what it is!?" Discord looked at her  
excitedly. "No." She muttered angrily. "Riddle Time!" as Discord exclaimed this, a large amount of confetti appeared on the ground where  
Celestia was standing. "What are the-" she didn't have time to finish her statement as the confetti fell upward, promptly exploding into  
chocolate milk, which rained down on Celestia. She put on a new face, a face so angry that it went down in Equestrian history as the  
angriest face that ever existed. "Alright, time for the riddle!" Discord was taking gigantic pleasure in Celestia's anger. "As the being you  
are, looked up to, but with clay feet, you and you're six elements will soon meet, A crew of bipedal beings deployed, in a machine  
to where life is devoid, ranging from a warrior with a spiked head, to a man who can be neither alive nor dead." Discord finished this  
riddle with a dramatic story-telling pose. Celestia, for whatever reason, seemed very calm now. "Err, what... What exactly... Huh?"

"Did you like it?" asked Discord eagerly. "Well, I'm not sure what it meant, but considering it came from you, no, I didn't like it."  
Celestia was about to say something else, however, before she could do so, Discord began to pout at her. "Oh, come on! Rate it fairly!  
The rhymes were good, right!?" Celestia was about to answer, but Discord interrupted her. "Actually, hold that thought, I forgot about a  
lovely bunch of friends I was keeping an eye on." and with that, he was gone, leaving a very confused Celestia sitting alone in the throne  
room.

...

...

...

"Hey." said a royal guard to the other.

"What?"

"You wanna give a crap about what's going on in the castle?"

"Nah."

"Alright."

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**And so ends chapter 1! Glad you enjoyed it, And if you didn't, well, sucks to be you. Review if you want! This has been Lumpco, have a happy existence!**


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